The Heart's True Quest: Understanding Our Deepest Relationship Needs

Part of my ministerial training involved applying what we learned to real-life situations, which are called practicums. One practicum included praying with people by phone in Silent Unity - Unity Movement’s Worldwide Prayer Ministry. Tens of thousands of people from different faith traditions across the globe called for prayer support. I discovered that most prayer requests centered on prosperity, health, and relationships—the Big Three.

Regarding relationships, the prayer requests were usually like "I want a relationship" or "I want out of a relationship." Many of those calling for relationship prayers based their value on whether they were in a relationship or not and who they were in a relationship with (or, in some cases, who they no longer wanted to be with). 

After a while, it dawned on me that what the callers and all of us want beyond the actual relationship is a sense of being at one with the great power, presence, and love within our souls. This loving presence, which is beyond words, has not only been given to us before time began, but is also the very essence of our lives.

As we focus on this loving presence within us, we take full responsibility for our joy and happiness regardless of whether we are in a relationship. With that awareness and understanding, a person never enters a relationship (or tries to get out of one), thinking that is what will make them happy. Such people understand they are here to bring happiness and joy to the relationship.

Too often, we let the tail wag the dog by running around looking at the envisioned “right” relationship to make us happy or give us joy (I can attest to this based on my early life experiences). When we have found that perfect relationship, it may provide us with some temporary relief from our thinking. However, eventually, our authentic self shows up, and if we are not bringing happiness, joy, and intelligence to the relationship, we end up bringing hell to paradise.

So, a person can end up with the most charming, loving, wonderful people you could ever meet, but hell will break out because they seek to get something from the other person they haven't brought themselves. The truth is we cannot have what we do not bring. We want to move from mere relationship to that sense of at - one - ment, so it becomes our primary focus. 

As we make that our way of being in the world, we bring joy, love, and cosmic parties wherever we go. That sense of oneness is amplified by like minds and the people we are with walking in the same direction.

Peace and Blessing,

James