How Social Media Is Quietly Tearing Us Apart (And What We Can Do About It)

I am writing a book tentatively titled, “They Ain’t Us – How to Heal a Polarized America Through a Revolution of Values.” Today’s post is an excerpt from a draft chapter of the book.

We were promised connection. We got conflict. It was supposed to help us live out our spiritual oneness. We see more polarization.

The Problem: We’re More “Connected” Than Ever—But More Divided Than Ever, Too

When social media burst onto the scene, it came wrapped in the language of unity: Connect with friends. Share your life. Build community. But something changed.

Fast-forward to today, and we're a nation fractured—by ideology, race, class, and culture. And while social media didn't create our divisions, it's been pouring gasoline on the fire. What was supposed to be a digital public square has become a gladiator arena where we don't talk to each other—we perform, provoke, and polarize. And it’s not an accident. It’s by design.

The Outrage Machine: How We Became Addicted to Division

Behind the scenes of our scrolling thumbs, complex algorithms are constantly optimizing one thing: engagement. Not truth. Not empathy. Just raw attention. And it turns out, nothing captures attention like outrage.

The like button. The retweet. The endless stream of algorithmically curated posts—these seemingly harmless features have turned our feeds into what researchers call supernormal stimuli. In plain English? Outrage on steroids. And just like a fast-food diet wrecks the body, this outrageous diet is poisoning our public discourse.

Here's how it works: the more intense your reaction, the more likely the platform will show it to others. You're rewarded with likes, retweets, and comments when you post something that sparks outrage—even moral outrage. And that little dopamine rush? For many people, it’s the latest addiction. Imagine if every time you yelled at someone, your whole neighborhood applauded. That’s the psychological loop we’re caught in.

Why We’re Wired for Tribalism—and Why It’s Dangerous Now

As human beings, we evolved to be tribal. It helped us survive. But democracy isn't built on tribal loyalty but on mutual respect and shared responsibility. Social media platforms, driven by profit, have exploited this tribal wiring, pulling us deeper into ideological corners and rewarding us for staying there.

The result? We don’t just disagree—we dehumanize. A 2019 survey found that 15 to 20 percent of the people who identify with the two major political parties said the country would be better off if large numbers of the other party just… died. That’s not just polarization. That’s a moral and spiritual emergency.

The Illusion of “Both Sides” and Why Exposure Alone Doesn’t Heal Division

You might think the solution is simple: show people more opposing views. But research says otherwise. When presented without relationship or context, opposing views often deepen the divide, reinforcing caricatures rather than challenging assumptions. Social media doesn’t just separate us—it puts us in funhouse mirrors of our own beliefs, where the “other side” is always wrong, dangerous, or stupid.

So, What’s the Way Forward?

Here’s the good news: it’s not all doomscrolling and despair (thank God). The first step is recognizing what’s happening and choosing not to play the algorithm’s game. That means:

Resisting the impulse to react instantly to every headline.
Refusing to dehumanize people who see the world differently.
Practicing digital discernment—not everything that goes viral deserves your outrage.

And most importantly, we need a revolution of values. One that puts humanity above clicks. One that values compassion over combat. One that dares to believe that we, the people, include all of us—not just the ones who think like we do.

Because the truth is, they ain’t us—the trolls, the bots, the echo chambers. We are something more profound. Something better. We are still capable of grace, listening, and bridging the divides. But only if we stop letting social media tell us who to be angry at next.

Peace and Blessings,

James